Not much updates

Hola everyone.
Not much has been going on
had a doctors appointment today
got the blood drawn and crap for the kidneys
sucked . x10.
ummm
Idk i took my injections today around 10amish-
and i feel the side effects right now
im suprised that i got them so soon, for the past couple weeks i wont get them till i wake back up and stuff.
It really sucks actually. haha i dont really want to be awake for this!
My liver actually hurts. i know its sorta odd to think of it but it actually hurts, and it has been for a couple days now, but today its been really bad like. thats all i can think about haha.

anyways ill update later

Last high school semester.. ever

hola to all.
Not much has gone on.
My white blood cell count is going up!!!!!!!
:D
so im feeling a little better already!
ITS amazing how much it changes things. haha
So my needles that i use have these "safe"guard things on them, so after i use a needle i snap on the safe guard and for the past .. 2months they have been orange, and this months the safeguards are green!!!!!! MY FAVORITE COLOR!!
haha
i was truley excited to stickmyself on saturday morning since i was at a lockin and i didnt want to fele like crap and stuff.
but i should have just done it on friday, the side effects didnt kick in till later today.
So i was annoyed, because ill still feel like crap tomarrow.
YAY!
haha.
ugh.
My cousin moved in with me on thursday.
Exciting
Im gonna see if she reads this blog and then see what she says. haha
Alright well... tomarrow i start my last high school semester ... EVER!! :D
yayyyyy
haha

Sereneee

Hello All.
Not much updates.
No updates on the liver/kidneys or anyhting.
Just checking in.
Everything has been going alot better at homewise.
So im glad things are ... better.
I didnt have orchestra tonight because i had to study for finals >_<
But i ended up reading a book instead, and then i took a bout... an hour and a half bath ... i ended up just sitting there , well more like laying. I just thought about life. Ive thought about life before, and stuff, of course, But i was just realizing how much i have really gone threw since august. I have been threw so much, and i keep trying to hide like its not there or something? I try to pretend everything is okay, and i try to put a smile on at school to hide everything what i really feel. But it really hit me .. when i was just laying there.
Idk it was an odd feeling.
Anyways, My medicine should FINALLY come in the mail tomarrow. Its been a rough road for the meds to make it ALLLLL THE WAY from plymouth to my house :p.
Idk what happend there but w.e
Anyways. I guess ill just go lay in my bed and think about life more. lol

Night!

oh.. uhh.. happy new president day! obama! ....anyways.... im republican :p
oh well. I cant change it. lol

Treatment

So yeah i injected last night
i dont feel that bad today- im really tired.
but thats about it, my joints are a little bit achy.
i had work from 3:30-7
so that wasnt too bad i had a customer tell me i looked really tired haha
i was like
"ah yeah im tired haha"

oh well.
im listening to lenka- the show.
i love her!
I love the song my heart will go on- you all know itf rom titanic, but i was watching swedens got talent, and zara larrsson sings it amazingggg shes only 10 years old.
i love herrrr.
i want her to come to the states!

anyways.
i got to go to the one acts- but i was on real thin ice i guess.
i made ammends with my foreign exchange student so thats all cleared up.
im just exahusted.
im happy i have tomarrow off.
no school due to MLK day.
woot .woot.

Could it get any worse?

Yeah.
So, things have NOT been going well.
I got grounded for.. i dont even know what i got grounded for.
Something about my foreign exchange student, shes not happy to be here, and its my fault so im grounded and i still dont know if i can go to the one acts. which is bad, last night i had to tell my whole cast that i mgiht not be there, and i had to find replacements JUST IN CASE.
and its just extremely stressful
As for the doctors appointment, it went fine. it was very long..
I know for a fact, im not stopping treatment, they are lowering the dosages though because the side effects are getting worse. They are really worried about my white blood cell count, so im back at the doctors getting blood drawn once a week instead of just once a month or so.
I might get prescribed sleeping pills, because i can never sleep unless i was up for a REALLLLLY long time, which has been that way for the past week, but it will go back to my normal schedule ... tomarrow.
I havent taken my injections yet this week because i didnt want to feel like crap foor the one acts, so ill take it late tonight. or it depends.. it depends if my mom will let me go to the one acts.
idk.

Im just really stressed out, physically i feel alright today... so far.
But emotionally im extremely worn out, i feel used, and its probably just my meds and stuff, but its really getting to me. idk. alright ill update later.

Stressed

I survived the first night of the one acts.
I got into huge trouble for not driving my exchange student home
I broke my phone
I feel like crap
I am annoyed with like 4 people at school to the point where i want to physically hurt them.
I cant stand this anymore.
I want it to end..




I hope that was emo enough for you guys.
night.


oh ps. i have a doctors appointment in maplewood tomarrow with dr. rank.

Mini-updates

Yeah not much has been going on since my last update.
my doctors appt is this friday
im actually sorta nervous.
idk
This is hell week for me- literally haha because for the one-acts and stuff.
Tomarrow is opening night!
Hopefully all goes well.
Sorta nervous not really.
As of how physically ive been feeling
eh
same ol' same ol' aka gets worse everyday.
lol
My back where my kidneys are are starting to hurt and the area wher emy liver is hurts a good 85% of the time, uh, I still get the wind knocked out of me doing the littlest things
weve been having problems with my meds too, like for delievery and stuff, i called in my meds... last week and they have to get approved by my physician- but the thing is .. i have 7 physicans on my team. so, they were checking in with the wrong physician that normally signs off on the meds, and its all a mess.
and we just got a childrens hospital bill bankin up to pretty much 4,000$
and my med cost went up, and my copays to each doctor visit went up , and now the thing with my kidneys- thats a whole nother issue that im gonna have to deal with now- idk whats going on to tell you the truth.
I dont receieve any information.
nada.
and im going to my doctors appointment alone. and i dont wanna go alone. ill go with a stranger if i had to.
i just idk
bah.
alright. ill update later.
im tired. as heck.
ive been spending 12+ hour days at school.

ONE more thing

There were several comments on my Blood Test results
and one of them
was saying that im Developing a "CKD"
aka .
Chronic Kidney Disease



YAY
maybe it explains why ive been like. dying.

Eh. just some updates

Hola.
So not much has been going on
Ive been super busy with the one acts at our school- the performances are this week, so "Hell Week" started .... yesterday, we had a very long practice-from like 9am -3pm
Physically wise-
I just feel like im getting weaker and weaker every day.
I feel like im just losing myself.
Everything hurts, all the time.
Im still having trouble breathing
I have a doctors appointment ... this... friday.
So i will bring up a whole list of things that i need to go over with .. him/her
I have another doctor that im meating.. Dr. Romine?
idk if its a he or a she. haha
But i get to miss some school for it. so hey. thats great.
But anyways i got more blood test results back

as of 12/29/08
WBC= 2.0 normal range is 4.0-9.1
RDW=21.9 normal range is 12.3-14.5
Platlets=129 normal range is 194-349
Neutrophils (absolute)= .7 normal range is 1.5-5.6
Neutrophils = 35 normal range is 40-70
MCH=27 normal range is 27.3-31.7
Lymphs= 54 normal range is 20-47
Hemoglobin= 11.1 normal range is 11.7-15.0
Hematocrit= 33.8 normal is 34.8-43.5



so yeah those are those.
The treatment is definetly working, its a bitch.
but atleast its working.
So i just gotta stay positive i guess.

Stressful

Ive had the most stressful week of my life it feels like
It really feels like everything is falling apart.
Its like, event after event after event.
Some of its personal, and some of its school ,and some of its my health
So i guess ill skip the first two, and go on to the health portion
Ive been getting really sick latley, like Im now using an inhaler because i cant get enough oxygen, and i get dizzy extremly easy now, I barley have to move and ill be ready to pass out.
My stomach is still upset- it has been upset since christmas eve.
I really havent had a "Good" day in a real long time again.
Im hoping things get better.
I had a job interview yesterday for a nursing assistant, i think i got the job, but they have to check the policy with age, and when i would be able to attend my .. 24 hours of training. haha since im in school and stuff it makes it very hard. so i might just have to wait till the summer idk,
But anyways, its 7:53 AM, so i gotta get moving for school. I really wasnt going to go today- BUT i have play rehersal after school- that is mandatory pretty much, and if i didnt go to school my mom said i couldnt go to that.
I just hope i dont get real sick during the day, and i hope i can keep my head up with out passing out from lack of oxygen.
Alright. update later prolly

BAD. bad bad bad

Yeah. SOOO.
i dont think im stopping treatment.
My last day of the drugs as of now is October 28th 2009.

I want to cry just saying that date.
I have given up so much
My body for one, I feel like ive lost connection with my close friends,
I get so emotional over the littlest things
I just idk.
gah.
I want to cry so bad right now
I thought i got off the hook because i was in remission
But apparently its only in remission for now, it could come back twice as hard in a month or so

I feel like i should be on a couch with a big bowl of ice cream and watching a sappy love story while i cry my eyes out.

Anyways.
Ill post more depressing blogs later.